It saddens me to say that I am leaving Poland and returning home.
I’ve tried to keep it quiet for as long as I could until I knew what was fully going on, but after a month of exhausting what I feel like are all my options to get myself healthy, it is best that I return home to Canada to get myself better. (I’ll be home in less than a week.)
I’ve always been pretty transparent as an athlete in the things I’m going through and I’m going to continue to do that, because I think other people can relate and may just benefit from what I have to say.
I’ve been dealing with a knee injury, and after opinions from four doctors and trying to rehab the hell out of it, it’s just not enough to get me back to playing right now. I do feel a bit stronger every day, but there is only so much the rest of my legs can do to compensate for my knee.
I’ve already had my breakdowns about the situation. I’ve screamed, I’ve cried and I’ve felt sorry for myself. I think it’s important to let yourself do that when you feel like it. If I’m sad I’m going to let myself be sad, if I’m mad I’m going to let that run its course as well, but I try to reserve those moments for when I’m alone and then I pick myself back up and keep going.
I spent a month thinking maybe I’ll be back in a few weeks to thinking I needed surgery to fearing that I’ll never get better, and yeah I can be a bit dramatic at times.
A lot of the time I just fear the worst. My mind always conjures up the worst possible situation in every situation. That way, if it does turn out for the worst at least then I am prepared, but it gets really scary always thinking about the worst thing that can happen, because there’s a lot of bad in the world.
I said when I first got to Poland that I was going to be more positive as a person and as a player. That I was just going to let things go and try to have fun and maintain my perspective, and so far in this case I think I have mostly succeeded. Of course, I have felt sad and angry sometimes and I have let my mind slip to fearing the worst, but I also am thankful that it’s not worse.
I do feel like a bit of a failure at this point in time though. My coach here in Poland chose me for the team and brought me all the way across the world to do a job, to play basketball. I feel so bad that I cannot do my job right now. I feel like I have let my teammates, the coaches, the club and my agent down. I was so excited to have finally “made it” as a pro athlete, only to have my time here end before it even started. I only played in a handful of preseason games before I couldn’t play anymore and it really hurts to know I never even got to put on the jersey officially.
As I move forward, getting myself healthy is my number one priority, but now that playing basketball is my job I am also nervous for the future. What if I come back and no one wants me? Will I be seen as damaged goods? When will I even be healthy? Does this injury mean I am “injury prone” now? Most of the time players sign year to year contracts, so there really isn’t a lot of certainty or long-term job security. Every season you play is your resume, and you are only as good as how you have recently performed. My resume as a pro is going to be a little empty for a while and that is a scary thing.
I try to keep my mind from that topic of the future, but I know it’s hard to stay in the moment. It’s also hard not to look back and think what could I have done differently? Was this injury caused specifically by something I was doing wrong and could’ve fixed? Were all the little knee pains I felt over the years contributing to the problem but I never paid enough attention? Again, thinking about this won’t change what’s happening now, but thinking about the past and future can be hard to escape. Being where my feet are now is my best option and the option that will keep me the sanest!! To keep myself in the now, I just take it day by day. Just as in a basketball game you should have short-term memory and take it play by-play, I WILL TRY to do the same in my life.
Hey, at least it’s not my ACL right?! Hey at least I can still do some sort of workouts now instead of doing nothing. Maintaining this perspective has kept me more grounded than the last time I had an injury.
I had ACL surgery about four years ago and it totally wrecked me. The surgery itself was super hard to come back from physically and the rehab process was so long. But more than that, mentally I felt like I was drowning. I missed basketball so much and it was physically painful to be in practice every day watching the team practice and play when I had to sit on the sidelines.
If you have never been injured you really cannot understand what I am saying. There’s just no way that you can. I vividly remember the feeling of knowing I would have to sit out an entire season and I swear that sadness physically hurt. I am so so envious of all of you lucky people out there who have been blessed to be mostly injury free! Dealing with injury, especially as a college or professional athlete is nothing I would wish on anyone. It definitely changes a person mentally and physically. It does however, allow a person to reinvent themselves as well.
I returned after my ACL tear a more mentally strong person, and physically I was stronger as well. I had to build my body back from the ground up. I learned to run, jump, cut and pretty much move again. The rehab process is always humbling because it shows you how lucky you are to be able to use your body in the way professional or high-level athletes do, and how amazing the human body really is. In the span of 9 months from when I had ACL surgery in 2014 I went from barely walking to back to playing basketball with a new ligament in my knee.
This time around all my ligaments are in great shape, but my cartilage is the issue. I’m not going to go into detail with all the medical stuff now, just know I’ll figure it out.
I’m going to return to Canada and meet with a great doctor and surgeon in my hometown and see what he thinks are the next best steps. If I can’t be playing basketball at this point in time, at least I will get to spend time with my family and friends to keep my mind off of not being on the court.
But, at the same time I still want to be around the game. Hopefully my time at home will give me an opportunity to do some coaching, which is something I am super interested in. I am excited that I will be at home for the first time since the 2012/2013 (!!!saying that made me feel old) basketball season and I’ll get to watch the game in my city and see how it’s grown. (I am not looking forward to the freezing cold weather though.)
My rookie season is definitely not panning out the way I anticipated, but it’s just another hurdle. There’s A TON of stuff that has happened in the last month but I’ll wait for the dust to settle and when I am back in Canada I will really dive in to the overseas hoop lifestyle.
Thank you to my teammates for being so welcoming, and a huge thank you especially to the two other imports on the team. They both have experience playing overseas before, and their advice and knowledge was so valuable to me, not to mention they are BALLERS. I will keep cheering for the team all year and I really hope they do well.
I’ve done this injury thing before and I will gladly do it again if it means I will get to continue to do what I love. There isn’t much that can deter me from coming back even better this time.
Just know I am coming back. I’m coming for it all.
(Also does anyone want to give me a job lol I still need to make some money lol.)
Thanks for reading,
Emily Potter