Dear College Basketball,

A Farewell Letter,

You broke my heart and I had to pick up the pieces. It did not end mutually and it wasn’t pretty. It was messy and I avoided thinking about you or dealing with you for a while, but you told me when we first got together five years ago that this couldn’t last forever. I guess I just never believed the day would come. Now that I am in Poland starting my professional career, it’s time to finally say goodbye for good.

Some people’s college basketball journeys seem so perfect to me. They make the NCAA tournament every year. They get better every year, and they leave knowing that they made their program better. Did I leave my program better than I found it? I don’t really know.

I can only feel like my career pales in comparison to all of those players. I know in reality that everyone has their struggles behind closed doors and nothing is as easy as it seems… but still. It looked like it came a lot easier to others. Maybe they were just more talented? Maybe they worked harder… even if they did I can’t go back now anyway.

In the five years I was at Utah, we did not make the NCAA tournament, and I think that has been one of my biggest heartbreaks from college basketball.

I wanted it so bad.

I decided when I was 7 or 8 years old watching march madness with my Dad that I wanted to be on that court one day. I wanted to be a college basketball player and play in march madness. I wanted to know what it was like to have that patch on my jersey, to play on a court with NCAA tournament painted on it. I wanted to be among the 64 best teams in the country.

For the longest time, I thought my college career would be a failure, or would be incomplete without a trip to the NCAA tournament. And as my senior year approached I felt all the pressure to finally make it there. But here I am, my career complete, and no NCAA tournament bid. But guess what, I am not a failure college basketball, because I never gave up. Failure only comes when you cease to try, and I am proud to say I made it here on the other side, with or without all the wins.

I don’t even know if my college career was over .500 (probably not) but through all the loses I learned a ton about myself. My college career looks a lot different than other players, but it doesn’t mean it taught me any less lessons or was less rewarding. I went through a bunch of crap throughout college called LIFE.

I dealt with a major injury and surgery and rehab from that surgery, AND I kicked it’s ass. It was the only “break” college basketball and I took and it only made me love you more.

I experienced my coaching staff being fired because we didn’t perform on the court as a team. I could never be anything other than a UTE, and I learned that change is inevitable. I am so glad to say that now I actually expect change, I accept change, and I am much happier now that I can do that. Change no longer gives me anxiety or makes me mad/sad, and I have college basketball to thank for that skill.

I have had new strength coaches, a new trainer, countless academic advisors as well, and I have taken the lessons from every person I have met with me along the way. I also, have had around 30 teammates over the years, and they were the ones that made my whole time as a collegiate athlete worth it. Every year, every team dynamic was a little bit different, but we always found a way to blend very well together. So even when college basketball didn’t love me, I know my teammates did and to all of them; I love you guys, and I’ll always be there for all of you.

I dealt with death, and being a country away from a tragedy did not make things easier. I learned that life is so so precious and that we all could use a helping hand. Love you and miss you always.

I dealt with my own struggles with depression and struggled to decide to get help or not, but I did, and I have used my struggles to try to help others in the process. I am SO glad that I did decide to speak out, and this is the accomplishment I am most proud of in college. (Getting my degree is pretty up there too.)

Through all the changes during college, basketball was still there. But I let you play too big of a role sometimes. I feel like you could make or break my mood, and it was not healthy. The highs were so high, but the lows were rock bottom.

Like at times, you made me feel like I was on top of the world, like after a really great win, or a killer workout. That’s why I love basketball though, it’s to chase those fleeting moments of invincibility. Like when I am on the court and everything is going my way, like nothing can go wrong. I can’t wipe the smile off of my face and time slows down. It’s the best feeling in the entire world, I swear, if you’ve experienced it you know what I mean. It’s like floating, and I am so thankful to you, college basketball, for giving me some of those moments.

I am also thankful for all the bad moments too. The moments when I felt like I couldn’t do anything right. The moments when I thought for sure there couldn’t be a worst basketball player than myself. The moments when I thought I should give it all up. The moments when I thought I let everybody down.. my coaches, my teammates, my family.

I am thankful because I learned that sometimes you gotta take the bad to have the great, but you also don’t have to punish yourself. Oh,and NONE of those things you told me were true. It took me a lot of years to figure that out, because you had a way of getting in my head college basketball, but now I know how to deal with you;

I am going to let you go.

I am going to look back at our relationship fondly and remember all the great times. But I won’t pay any mind to all the bad. I have the lessons you taught me in my mind, but I don’t need to revisit any more of the past in that way.

No longer will I revisit all those games over the years that we lost. The possessions at the end of the game, those last two minutes. I could re-count so many of them and where it all went wrong. But now it’s all in the wind. I am free from you.

You are just a game college basketball.

You’re a very important game to me, but still, you are a ball and a basket.

You can’t dictate my mood, and my self-worth.

I’m trying to just HAVE FUN on the court now. All the stress and pressure and anxiety I put on myself in college… where did it get me?

So, now I’m trying something new.

There is so much LIFE that happens outside of the lines of the court or in the weight room or training room. I don’t have the time or energy to let you weigh me down anymore.

I am not sad to say that College Basketball, you won’t be the most important relationship I have. It’s the people I met through the game and will meet that make it worthwhile. It’s all the places the game takes me, and it’s all the lessons I learn as I try to become the best version of myself I can be.

Still, Basketball and I still have a long relationship in front of us, so let’s be kind to one another and I think we can flourish together. I can’t wait to see where life takes us as professionals.

 

For everyone returning to college basketball this season, I guess I have some advice for you;

Remember that you are a whole person outside of the game and a bad day at the office doesn’t make you a bad person.

 Love the game and I truly hope it loves you back. And if it doesn’t, still keep loving anyway.

 Love your teammates, love your school, and love the staff. If you can’t do that… get the heck out of there and find a place where you can.

 No, not every day will be filled with the greatest times, and they are not always supposed to be, but your happiness and health are the two most important things in my eyes.

So, take care of yourself. Be where you can flourish and take care of both your health and your happiness, and then do the damn thing.

With Love,

Emily Potter